6 Reasons I’m Happier Because I Went to War

Posted 2014-10-01 13:22 by Grunt Report

Eight years of my life was spent enlisted in the US Marine Corps. I was deployed to Fallujah, Iraq and Helmand Province, Afghanistan. One of the most frequent questions I am asked about my service is, “Are you glad you did it?” It surprises most people when I respond with an enthusiastic YES. Naturally wartime and combat are associated with sadness and devastation. War affects millions of innocent people and PTSD afflicts service men and women with crippling effects. I’m not immune to all the negative fallout of being a Marine during wartime, but many lessons I learned as a Marine make me a happier person. Here are a few: (Note I use the term Marine, but it could be exchanged for soldier, seaman, airman, or any other service member.)

1. No Maserati, No Problem – Letting Go of Materialism

We put a lot of emphasis on having nice homes, sleek cars, and the latest tech gadgets. As a whole, we are very materialistic. This is evidenced by the fact that over the last few days the biggest headlines surround Apple’s launch of the Apple Watch and the iPhone 6. I’m not saying Apple gadgets aren’t nice to have. In fact, I had an iPod in Iraq and Afghanistan and at times it was the only thing that kept me sane. And I certainly would never give up the experience of being my platoon’s DJ.

But after living on the desert floor for a year with no more personal belongings than would fit in a small backpack I learned to make do without a lot of ‘stuff’. The experience helped me to understand the happiness in austerity. I have since accumulated a few more things than would fit into a backpack. However, I have gained the perspective that while the latest gadgets and gizmos might be entertaining and useful, they are not absolutely necessary. And not having them certainly does not make me sad. Letting go of materialism makes me a happier person.

2. Mustaches are Hilarious – Finding Humor in Difficult Situations

On my final deployment my platoon got a new corpsman (medical specialist). Doc Bear joined the Marine Corps the year I was born and had recently enlisted in the Navy in order to accompany us into combat as our corpsman. He was so old we asked him what the beer tasted like at Tun Tavern – where the Marine Corps was organized in 1775. He couldn’t remember. Doc Bear was one of the best companions I had, but he had the most barbaric mustache known to man. Every time Doc Bear would say something funny or clever we would respond, “That was good Doc. Did your mustache come up with that?”

I have never laughed as much as I did when living with other Marines. I have never laughed at myself as much either. Being in a bad situation shouldn’t dampen our humor because sometimes humor is the only thing that will get us through it.

3. That Tingling Feeling Is Love – Understanding Emotions and How They Make Life More Colorful

One of the most prominent side effects of deployment is the development of apathy. I’ve heard psychologists say that sometimes the brain numbs emotions as a coping mechanism when it is exposed to horrible things. In a sense, I’m glad it happens that way. I would rather be apathetic than have crippling depression, untempered anger, or inconsolable guilt and sadness. However, in the real world, where death and destruction are not commonplace, emotions make life vibrant and rich.

When I returned home to my wife and 9-month-old son I was glad the deployment was behind me, but I didn’t really feel happy. I didn’t really feel anything. Well, that’s not entirely true; I did feel hungry from time to time. At the time I didn’t realize how apathetic I had become. Ten months after I had been home I had an experience that caused a few emotions to hit me like a freight train. I was in the delivery room for the first time as my daughter was being born (I missed my son’s birth). The sounds of her first little cries not only entered my ears, but they broke through the wall that my mind had built to hold my deeper feelings captive.

Witnessing a child come into the world is something that millions of men have done. Similarly, many millions of men have seen the sunlight. But to me, whose eyes had become accustomed to a pitch black cave, the sunlight of my daughter’s birth was so overwhelming and powerful that for the first time in over a decade I teared up for a reason other than walking around in a dust storm. In the past I had taken emotions for granted, but now I can fully appreciate the rich feelings that life has to offer. I notice now very keenly every time my heart starts to beat a little faster, when my skin starts to heat up slightly, or when my breathing speeds up. I’m so much happier now because I have been to life’s deepest trenches of apathy and so I can better appreciate its peaks of emotion.

4. Working Well With Shorty – The Best Teams are Made Up of Completely Different People

The Marine Corps made it possible for me to build relationships with different types of people that I would have never would have otherwise. As I would learn in combat, taking advantage of our differences was the most effective thing my team could do. I am tall, quiet, deliberate, and calm. My teammate was short, loud, tactical, and wild. In the beginning he was also annoying. TJ joined my unit a month after I did. I remember looking at him walking in to our building straight out of training and thinking to myself, “who does this arrogant boot think he is?” (Boot is an endearing term used to describe young, untested Marines.) Apparently he thought of me as annoying, awkward, and soft. A third member of our team was Ben, who studied Norse mythology and read fantasy books like he got paid for it. Understandably when he joined our team just before our last deployment we thought he was a little weird.

Little did we know that we would become best friends, having accompanied each other to the pits of hell. Alone we could not have accomplished much, but together we were amazing. We performed dozens of missions with the RAVEN (a small drone) including creating a flight path that enabled us to use its camera to call in and observe mortar fire. We conducted dozens of patrols and became the go-to team for critical missions. Each of us had a unique set of skills that complimented each other and created the highest skilled team I have ever been a part of.

The first step to happiness is accepting other people’s differences. The next step is to utilize, take advantage of, and sync those differences in order to launch your teams and companionships into long-term success and happiness. In my opinion, embracing and taking advantage of differences is one of the most critical factors to a successful marriage. In this regard, TJ and Ben taught me more about marriage than they might ever realize.

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BY: John Walters